To All The Single Ladies..

I have been so hesitant to write this blog. I have wanted to for so long but the things I mention in it I'm afraid will make me sound self-gratifying. But I want to write it to show what God has done in my life and what I really believe can do in anyone else's who lets Him.

Last August I was introduced to a challenging concept of not dating for a year. Not only not dating but not pursuing or being pursued for a year. A challenge called "crush the crush"- a challenge that would change myself and my whole world. Now, it sounds silly, and I was skeptical at first, but let me explain what made me decide to do it..

At first,  my thoughts were "what if I meet the guy I'm supposed to marry during the year? Then I will have to turn him away and he will forget about me!" I was so absorbed in the fairy tale of love that I was afraid giving my love life to God would .. mess my life up?

But you know, I was tired of waiting. I was tired of always thinking and wondering and looking! I was tired of it controlling my thoughts. It is tiring, painful, and it's lonely. I didn't want to have control (or at least pretend I did) over who it would be or when he came along anymore.

Because I knew it was too painful and lonely to be searching for a boyfriend, I gave up. I crushed the crush. It was so hard and so easy at the same time. I must say though, I sort of cheated because I did move right after I started it and had no men in my life to really consider. But I can tell you it would have been a lot easier to be lonely if I hadn't started before the move.

Through the year, I learned so. much. Mainly that being single is awesome! Do you know how much more confidence you have when you have no guys to impress?? The moment I gave up my boy search, I began focusing on bettering my relationship with God which essentially led to bettering myself which led to bettering my relationships with others. When you don't have to worry about impressing anyone, you don't think about yourself as much which allows you to think about others more which makes you awesome.

God taught me patience. Because little did I know, I had no idea what it meant to be patient.
Waiting means:
"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience; that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear."

God gave me such a peace about waiting that I am convinced now more than ever that is impossible to have without His help. So in saying this, I don't want you to think I'm congratulating or gratifying myself. It was ALL God. Because I am positive I could have never, ever done it by myself. I truly believe he wants to bring peace and patience to you're life as much as He brought to mine. That's why I challenge every single girl out the to "crush the crush". It changed me from the inside out and it will change you too.

Intentional Days

Tonight as I lay here in bed, I'm I am displeased with myself

You know those days when you lay in bed and think about everything you did and didn't do? I mean, I could be mistaken but I think most of us do that about every night. Tonight I lay here to think about that and am ashamed of how I spent my day. It was a great day off- full of laughter, haircut, shopping and Starbucks. Had a really good time.

So I've been slightly down lately about a lot of stuff. Definitely a dry time in my quiet times and just with my relationship with God. I just feel like I've had to really work towards including God in my daily life. Actually, I don't even know if it's that. Just something different is going on. I think it's fair to call it a dry season of my life.

Some issues with friends/struggling with still not having any friends here, really, really confused with what I should be doing right now and what my purpose is for this time in my life. You know when you're down and you just want people to lift you back up? Today was a day that I was somewhat lifted up again. And it made me feel great! 

It was refreshing and just so nice to have the day off just to do whatever I wanted.  But now looking back, my day was spent selfishly and all in vain. I spent no time reading my bible and spent more time looking at my hair than than with God. 

I feel like in this time in my life God is teaching me to be satisfied in Him in every way. Therefor not needing my friends to make me feel better about myself. Not needing a hair it to make myself feel good. God is teaching me to only find joy in Him. Not in success. And most importantly to make sure I'm not settling for a less close relationship wih Him. 

So though it was a fun day, I am humbled to think that I get a chance to start again tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be more of a selfless, intentional day of actually growing in my relationship with The Lord and less about my hair.