Fearing Death

 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about why I fear death. The other day I was sorta almost in an accident and I thought about how "lucky" I was that nothing happened. But what made me "lucky"? My life could have ended that day but it didn't. So that got me thinking. I thought about how bad that COULD have been, but wasn't. 

Now I know nobody likes to think about death but if you think about all the near death experiences you have had in your life (which is like.. impossible). What kept you alive? I know it's more than luck. I know that if it were my time to go, I might would have actually hit the car the other day. But God has a plan for me and dying wasn't it. 

If it were my time, I would have died. And when it is my time I will die. And there's nothing I can do about it. It will be apart of God's PERFECT plan. I don't know that God wants me to live to be 100, but I know He isn't finished with me yet, so why should I fear dying in some tragic accident? I think it is all apart of faith. Saying "Okay, God. I know you have given me a life to live abundantly so I'm standing on that and I won't fear my time to go, because YOU are in control." Besides, what good does it do to freak out about things and worry all when you have no control?! 

 

Thanking God that His will be done in my life and that I will not fear his plan. 

New Plan.

Ever since I was a child, I have wanted to be a chef. I had NO doubt in my mind that I would go to culinary school, open my own restaurant and live happily ever after. In fact, not only did I want to do that, I thought That's what God wanted me to do. Psalm 37:4 "delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart." And for my whole life those were the desires of my heart.

As my last year in high school, I obviously have been trying to decide what to do about college and whatnot and never once did I have any doubt that I would find some way to go to some culinary school somewhere! I loved not questioning what I wanted to do with my life. Loved it.

Recently, my desire to do that COMPLETELY went away. I mean I have no desire whatsoever to be a chef. I don't want to own a restaurant, I don't want to own a bakery, don't want to cater. I want nothing to do with the food industry. And I don't know why. I can't think of any event that changed my mind. I just simply do not have those desires anymore. Not even one of them.

So you can imagine how freaked out I was. I had it all planned out. I now have no peace about culinary school. The thougt of it actually gives me a gross feeling. I am now the senior who has no idea what she's going to do with her life. No idea where she is going to school. It's a very new feeling that I have nover felt. I planned out my life and forgot to involve God in the plans and that would lead to a disaster. I really don't want my life to be disastrous. Or anything of that sort.

So now I am clueless and trying to ask God to clear up those desires that are somewhere deep down in me. Though this is suppoaes to be a stressful time in my life, I have such a peace about everything. I have no fear. I have a lot of questions but I am so excited to live out the new plan. His plan. Because that is a plan, I could never come up with myself. A plan much, much greater.